God loves me. It’s true He does. I’ve known it for a long time but I’ve never really acknowledged it. God loves me. Jesus loves me. Just like the children’s song…you know it…we have all sang it as children growing up in church.
“Jesus loves me this I know. For the bible tells me so. Little ones in Him belong. We are weak but He is strong…”
How is it that you can know something and not “KNOW” something? Like knowing water is wet, fire burns, and you don’t lick a metal pole when it’s below freezing outside. I knew God loved me. It was just something that IS. Did I feel loved… Did I act loved… Did I reciprocate… Not often and definitely not consistently. You would think that if the Creator of everything that is loves me and I know it I would take better care of myself. Not be so cavalier with myself. Not be so self destructive.Not only does He love me, He has a plan for my life. It has been told me in a variety of ways in the last 14 years. I am to preach and teach. Ok so if God loves me, Jesus loves me, and They have a specific plan for my life aren’t I special. To Them I am. So if I’m special to them shouldn’t I, at least be special to myself? I don’t treat myself special. I have a hard time forgiving myself. I don’t take care of myself. I don’t monitor what I eat very well therefore I have gained 30 pounds in the last year. I don’t get enough rest. I don’t spend enough time with the One Who loves me unconditionally. There are specific things Debbie, my counselor, has told me I need to do to get better. Why am I not doing them? All I can figure is that I’m not ready to be well. Is that true? If that is true it has to change today! I can’t continue this life the way I’m going.It is like the man by the pool that Jesus asked “do you want to be healed?” Well, Marianne, do you want to be healed? Do you want to be set free to accomplish that which the Creator of everything has set for you to do? Yes I do. I want to be happy, healthy, whole. I want everything that God has for me. So what do I do now? Well, I guess I should start by doing the things that Debbie says will make me better. I am physically getting better after the cancer. Now its time I start taking better care of myself. Lord, I know you love me so please help me to recognize things that I do that are harmful to me. And once I recognize them help me to act according to Your will for my life. I realize that I can’t do this on my own but I also know that I’m not on my own. You are with me. You never leave me or forsake me. You are unchanging.  And Your love is unconditional.

thank your Lord.